Who We Are and Why We Became

I know there are more of us than those who attend our meetings; than those who openly walk in public, who speak in panels, or drum up the courage to speak in documentary film projects.  Then, there are those whom I worry about because they cry in private, in isolation, perhaps in shame, while feeling dishonored or abandoned by their families.

So true that we Asian-Americans are still an "invisible minority". We do best just "blending in", or what is known as assimilating. For some, adaptation is a difficult task for which we seem too proud to seek social services for, no matter the degree of marginalization we experience.  Quite simply, an individual's self-determination is key to one's success in navigating their way in any society. 

I thought all these things when I was raising my children.  As a first-generation immigrant and naturalized citizen, I made it my goal to lessen the burden of constant decoding of American culture for my children. Though I have always considered my own philosophical ideology as liberal-minded, I felt ill-prepared to face the LGBT environment. It felt that I had done a disservice to one of my children.  I love all of my offspring; motherhood is my passion above all else.  To protect and to nurture is tattooed into my core being. 

Instinctively, I recognized my own cultural immersion into the LGBT community was a vital necessity, and so I effected that coping strategy.  Within a very short period, I rapidly immersed.  There was much history and new knowledge to cover.  Time was of the essence and one's internal timeline was also important.  My head reeled as I deciphered as fast as I could understand; my emotions rallied between fear, guilt, hurt, feelings of isolation, and an incessant need to protect my child.  Then, there were the questions of faith that had to be reckoned with, as well as fate (destiny), the forces of nature that serve to guide my journey.  The realization of advancing and deepening the dimension of one's scope of thinking and loving becomes a consuming mission. Such was the case for this mom.

I am just one of the voices of SGV API PFLAG.  However, I know I am surrounded by individuals who share similar concerns but with varying degrees relevant to their sons, or daughters, or themselves, as allies or as LGBT persons.  This is Who We Are. 

Why We Became emanated from a grassroots movement to share our journeys with as many people as possible; to ease the "un-ease"; to console the process of adjustment; to lessen the guilt of not being a "good-enough" parent, child, or friend; and finally, to celebrate a new world of enlightenment. 

There is no ambiguity when we share in our groups.  Our revelations to once-strangers in the room with us, are so full of raw emotions.  We are no longer invisible in that first moment.  We present our own individuality; we dare to speak our brokenness, temporary sorrow, misinformation, and risk with awkwardness, and yes, sometimes with broken English, the expression and emotions of being Asian-Americans with LGBT children.

- Carol Mannion

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